BEST OF JODY’S BOX: THINGS I KNOW, THAT MOST RACERS WILL NEVER KNOW

By Jody Weisel

“If only I knew then what I know now,” I said to Lovely Louella the other night.

“Yes and if you had half a brain you wouldn’t have that big bruise on your thigh,” she said with a laugh.

“I’m not talking about trying to do a fourth gear double in third,” I replied. “I’m thinking about all the things I’ve learned the hard way. And, not just the picayune little things, like a potato can be used to no-fog your goggles, but what it all means. I see these young kids trying to work their way up through the ranks and it strikes me that they don’t have a clue of what life’s all about.”

“Are you saying that you feel qualified to pontificate on the meaning of life?” she asks with a wicked laughed. “Yes, on motocross life,” I said in my own defense. “What got you thinking about this?” she said without the deriding giggle.

“Ten things,” I said. “Ten simple facts.”

“What are they, Einstein?” her sarcasm was borne from having heard a potpourri of my theories over the years.

(1) “It came to me that the average 18 year old kid on a motocross bike never had to wonder if Honda would ever make a two-stroke or even if they ever did.

(2) He never got a Polio shot and wouldn’t have a clue who Jonas Salk was.

(3) He would be too young to remember Atari.

(4) He thinks there have always been red MM’s.

(5) Preston Petty isn’t even a fender to him.

(6) He never licked a stamp.

(7) He didn’t have to choose between Beta and VHS.

(8) He has never played a vinyl album, which means the phrase ‘you sound like a broken record’ is a conundrum to him.”

(9) “He couldn’t drive a stick shift if his life depended on it.”

(10) “He thinks motorcycle transmission have always shifted on the left and went one click down for low.”

“You can’t make people remember the past,” said Louella. “Ask yourself if you ever gave a thought to the riders, bikes or tracks that pre-dated Roger DeCoster. If the answer is no, then you aren’t part of the solution, you are part of the problem.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” I replied. “I don’t want the next generation to live my past. I want them to understand how important their past is. They don’t need to know about Koba Shift kits, Heckel boots, Jofas or Whoop-de-Chews. I would just like them to know what I would have done—if I had it to do all over again.”

“What would you do differently?” she said compassionately.

“I would have enjoyed every day that I was stupid enough to wear an open face helmet, cause once you switch to a full-face helmet you can never go back.”

“I would have stuck that cool, but rare, sticker on my rear fender or on the refrigerator out in the garage, before it faded away in a drawer.”

“I would have raced even the muddiest mud race and not worried about getting my bike dirty.”

“I would have talked less to my friends during the rider’s meeting and listened more (then I would have known that they had cut out the section of track with the big mud hole in it).”

“I would have lent a spark plug to that guy who asked to borrow one last week, so that I wouldn’t feel so guilty about asking to borrow his YZ400 kickstarter for my moto this weekend.

“I would have taken the time to listen to those old codgers in the Vet class, before I became one.”

“I would have gone to bed later on the night before a big race, because I never fell asleep until it was midnight anyway.”

“I would never have bought anything just because I thought it would make my bike faster, instead I’d admit to myself that a faster bike just meant I’d be shutting off earlier.”

“I would have enjoyed time spent in a cast more, because, in retrospect, it gave real meaning to not being in one. ”

“When some kid asked me for my autograph, I would never have said, ‘Later.’ Instead, I’d try to write him the motocross version of the Gettysburg Address.”

“I would take back every feeble excuse I ever used for losing and replace it with “I got beat!”

“I would like to get a second chance to try harder on motos that I got a bad start in. In retrospect, it’s more memorable to go from last to seventh than from first to seventh.”

“I would never treat anybody who rides a motorcycle, no matter how big a goon, as less than a brother-in-arms, because, looking back on it, when I was first starting out my goon quotient was red-lined.”

“So,” said Louella, “Who is the first person you want to benefit from your newfound moto wisdom.”

“If I’ve got half a brain, it will be me,” I said with a laugh.